Author: ejanchen2

The view from here is an uphill climb As I crane my neck skyward, I look with blind eyes. A single pane of reflective glass Bearing down its rays Like the harsh sun outside.  But my eyes are blind, I cannot see the face Staring back at me. The face I tore off, The face […]

Skin like porcelain, skin like snow, How I’ve always despised you so,  Skin like concrete, skin of the sea, How I wish you would break off of me. Skin as frail as crumbling bone, Crying, resounding in guttural tones. Skin forever, drastic love affair, Disappearing like wishes in thin air.  The largest organ in the […]

for sixteen year old you, 親愛的然然,  The year is 2020, and America is in the middle of an international pandemic. By the time I figure out how to send this back in time, you’ll be 16-years-old. Most of the shops here are operating on shorter hours, and the beaches are closed. I live in San […]

MOVEMENT i: MOON If I could fly in my dreams, Could I dance through the planets? Fold myself into the galactic fabric, To expose deserts dry with stardust? If I could fly to a land far away, Reality or not, I’d go to the moon Close enough to brush with fingertips But far enough that […]

Dear Dr. Leah, Yesterday was my last session with you and when I woke up this morning, it finally hit me that you’re not my therapist anymore. There are so many words I wish I could’ve said to you, but whenever I tried, I either got too choked up or embarrassed. I know I was […]

If I can make it out of bed in the morning, I try to avoid the mirror as much as possible. I can’t stand to see myself reflected back at me. I hate reflections. They are a physical manifestation of everything that is wrong with me–the guilt, the shame, the loneliness, the sadness. Reflections in […]

Reader, I am very angry right now as I write this. I can’t believe I’m letting myself admit it out loud. That in and of itself is a milestone for me. I feel pretty guilty for writing this, because there are still parts of me that think I’m not allowed to feel anything when you […]

The holidays aren’t easy for everyone. I speak from personal experience because I’ve never liked them. So much in fact that I always thought they were way longer than they needed to be. Sure, not having to think about school and work is nice. I get to eat more regularly and I might be able […]

Before anything happens between us, I want to make one thing clear. I don’t really get homesick. I only remember vividly.  I grew up on an island, on a cramped street lined with lamp posts and mopeds. The air is often muggy and the hills wave with overgrown weeds and newly sprouted trees. Some streets […]

Before baby birds bloom, they blossom inside a shell. A beautiful egg shell blue, painted with the bittersweet of the world outside. The shell protects them until they are ready enough, strong enough, smart enough to make a way of their own. Enough. All we ever want to be is enough. But the first time […]