As you grow older
You find
The monsters you once thought
Hid under the bed
Were made up,
Mere figments of imagination.
And the older you get
The less you fear
The less there is
To trouble you
Because the older you get
The smarter you become
More cognizant, more aware
More developed
And the fearsome dark
Loud sounds
Menacing shadows
Are just that
Tricks of the light
Jokes in the air
Nothing but
A childhood scare.
But what if I told you
Monsters hide
Not under the bed
That as you grow older
They grow big
Just like you
Until no longer
You can hold them inside
So you wear them
And become them instead.
Today my eyes fluttered open
And the light
Flooded into my window
And the monster I am
Shuddered and pulled the covers
Over my head
Not because the monster I am
Fears the light
But because the monster I am
Does not deserve
To see the light.
And I saw
As I paced
Back and forth
Along the floor
Digging up the carpet
Pulling out hairs
A sign you might call it
Or a figure
Of my imagination
A thinly-veiled lady
Gliding past
White pristine walls
Where to, I wondered,
But how would I know?
I can’t follow shadows
And see where they hide
For not even monsters
Are welcome in darkness
Rather they beg
Darkness to tolerate them
Because monsters like me
Have nowhere else to go.
To call myself a monster
Is more of a truth
Than calling myself human
Because humans don’t care
That one day
The ground upon which
They stand
May crumble, may wear away
Leaving them nothing
But rocks in space.
Humans don’t care
That nothing lasts
That no matter what they build
Can shatter
At the mere flick of
Celestial fingers
Destroying what they call
Their homes and
The places they dearly belong.
Humans don’t care
That words are constructs
That actions are meaningless
That relationships
Are material attachments
Because humans only care
What they can feel
What they can see
What they can experience
Through five so-called senses.
Monsters contemplate
So much more
Their minds are unlike humans
For monsters cannot feel
They barely see
And what they experience
They’d rather forget
Because monsters understand
Here today, gone the next
And the time in between
Is just that
Time.
Not meant to be treasured
Or cherished as humans say
Just time
To kill.
Someone is following me
The monster that I am
Someone is watching me
Not because
Monsters like me are coveted
No, because monsters like me
Must be hunted
Must cease to exist
Because monsters don’t abide
By the laws of simple humanity.
If you were to cut me open
You’d only see knots
Tangled in sadness
More than anything else
And you’d find that
All monsters are actually
Empty inside
And you’d hear
The voices I captured
Playing over and over
And over and over
And over and over
Broken records reminding me
Monsters are not people
They are not safe
Not to humans
Not to themselves.
And the voices rise,
Fade into the air like smoke
Looking for another monster to haunt.
Monsters have claws
But they don’t use the claws
On anyone but themselves
And monsters have blades
They use to carve stories
In their soul
Who would want to remember
A monster’s story?
Because monsters
Are not children of light
But they are also not borne of the dark.
And monsters hate themselves more
Than any human ever could.
So the older I got
I learned that
Everything I feared as a child
Was real
And the greatest fear,
The fear of monsters
Manifested into my own skin.
But perhaps
There will come a day
When monsters will look
Just like humans
And no one could tell
When we walk amongst you
Because what ever happens
When all the light dies?
And the world cuts to black,
What happens then?
When all the light dies
And the world cuts to black
Let me ask you,
Where will you be?
Where will you hide?
Would you ever
Come looking for me?
Because of all that
I will never know
This I can tell you,
This I am sure.
For when all the light dies
And the world cuts to black
You will never find me
Nor would you ever try.
Because no one looks for monsters
Especially in the dark.
But by then it wouldn’t matter,
Like nothing ever does
Because by the time the world is ending
I will already be gone.
Ellamental Thoughts 