In the morning I woke
Just the same
Wine glasses, beer stains
Liquor to tame
I don’t know how
These walls you overcame
Damned alcohol tears
It’s you I blame.
Whiskey eyes, tequila sighs
Your finger sliding down my thighs
Playing a game with dangerous die
You slowly undo all my ties
Eyes flutter open, kerosene dreams
How do I balance between two extremes?
The love, the hate, my mind’s broken beams
Mended but still quite worn at the seams
I can still feel you
Swaying me at my hips
Lingering like the taste
Of apple brandy on my lips
And yet in the morning
I wake just the same
Candle burning by my side
Still clinging to a dying flame
But when I turn to the other side
I just see an empty bed frame
I can touch you just
At my fingertips
My body
In your tender grip
Taste the salt
Stuck to your skin
As you ask me
Just how I’ve been
Vodka tonics, gin and beers
I think of all the forsaken years
Those stupid, fucking wasted tears
Evaporated into the atmosphere.
And yet here you are,
An alien from the planet Mars
Strumming the notes
Of some guitar
Taking me
On a trip to the stars
Making me forget
About all my scars,
As we sit side by side
Inside that car
I feel our tongues
Begin to spar
Till you take my mind
To some world afar.
So tell me,
How could it possibly be?
I could be back
At that one night
When you melted
At my very sight
And you made me really,
Truly believe in flight
Rocking me slow
At the hips
The trace
Of velvet fingertips
My skirt you almost,
Accidentally ripped
And just when I am
About to dock your ship
My heart suddenly
Leaps, then dips
Because no longer
Am I in your grip
Nor can I taste
Apple brandy drip
Off the tip
Of your lips
Because here
Along my bedside wake
I can feel
The insides of me quake
Because my love for you
Was never fake
But now I hate you
And it makes me shake
Because I don’t get
How I could ever feel this way
So twisted
Wishing you had stayed
So wrong way up
And left side down
Smiling
With the tears of a clown
Because I wish
So dearly, awfully, fucking wish
If I could have
But a single wish
That even when
I had you
By my side
There were many,
Many lies I lied
And how I wish
I could have said
I tried
To love myself
The way I loved
When i had you by my side
So in the morning
When i wake
Everything is still
Just the same
Back to normal,
One might say.
But I do think about you
Just the same
How my walls
You overcame
The ones I don’t know
To love or hate
So here along
My bedside wake
I feel the same scars
Along me break
The ones you healed
Without knowing any stakes
The ones that now
Make my soul ache
Hours of dawn
I continue to bide
Just cold air
Along my side
I wish I could’ve said
That I died
But that probably
Would have been
Another lie
Sherry toes and champagne nose
If given a chance,
I would’ve chose
To have been
With myself
Through the lows
Instead of running after you
Like in those TV shows
So maybe if I see you
Some other odd day
I’ll look you in the eye
And finally say,
“I’m good now,
Really actually good
Not like normal good
But you know,
Just
Sound mind good.
I did it myself,
No thanks to you
And I love myself
A little more for it too.”
Whiskey eyes, tequila sighs
Your finger sliding down my thighs
Now all I have to remember you by
Is just this apple brandy by my side.
Ellamental Thoughts 