Hello! This is my corner…

You deserve to feel human.

-Me

Cover c/o Katelynn Rowley, 2019

Hi there!

I never thought that I’d be someone to share my writing. When I first started, it was just a private outlet for me to release my emotions into tangible words. I didn’t realize that while I was writing, I was also documenting my own stories and thoughts in the exact moment I was feeling them. So maybe my emotions and ideas change over time, but that doesn’t ever change how I felt when they were happening at the time.

My mental health has waxed and waned over the years–sometimes I think it’s gone and other times it comes back in full swing and knocks me down. I can never predict a depressive episode or a panic attack; over time, I’ve come to recognize some signs but still, even today, I am taken by surprise.

Through intensive therapy and a myriad of medications, I’ve come to recognize signs of abuse and toxicity from my surroundings. It’s hard to just up and leave, especially because the toxicity comes from the environment in which I grew up. So I write instead.

For the longest time, I didn’t think my mental illnesses were enough to need treatment and therapy. But I had friends along the way that helped me realize that I needed to seek help to ensure stability in my life.

Since beginning to seek help for my mental illnesses, I’ve been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder with the possibility of complex PTSD. I’ve tried out over ten different kinds of medication to find the right combination for me. The journey has been difficult–whether it’s accepting a new diagnosis or trying out a different medication. I’m still struggling today but releasing my turmoil through words has helped me grasp reality and stay steady when I feel like I’ve lost all control.

I’ve been a journalist for a long time, but writing news is very different from creative and personal writing. My first time experimenting with personal writing was an opinion piece I wrote for The Triton. It described my experience seeking mental health support on campus, and writing the article empowered me to continue documenting my thoughts. You can find my first article here.

With the encouragement of people close to my heart, I decided that I wanted to continue sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings with others who are willing to hear my voice.

In this blog, I want to highlight the beauty and the darkness of mental health. Please forgive me for not being the most experienced or accomplished writer. I want to do my best to speak for myself and I never intend to offend or trigger anyone with my writing.

I hope to cover several facets of mental health–heartbreak, illness, cultural nuances, toxic people, methods of coping, recovery and downhill spirals. Sometimes my posts will just be jumbles of words that try to encapsulate my experiences in the most concise way. Sometimes I’ll have a stroke of curiosity and craft something that can speak to you. Please remember that my writing reflects my mental illness, my personality, my whole person and mind. It is who I am in the exact moment I am writing my piece.

I just hope that my words can touch you in some way. I hope you can relate to my words in some way. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from and share with me your thoughts and feelings in some way.

Thank you for taking the time to listen and digest what I’ve said. I appreciate you, and I can’t wait to share a part of myself with you.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

With love,

Ella